So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
