just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
