no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
