normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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