I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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