i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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