you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think a kid would responsible me up
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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