Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
