I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize