I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
