Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
