haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Let's get the cat blown out
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