They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
