My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
