batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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