Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
