Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
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hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
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I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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