wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
