This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
