The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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