Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
