I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
