How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
