then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
