It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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