just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
