We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
