sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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