how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
