did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
