Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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