we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
