OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize