I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
