i was born a porn star she said
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
