thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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