She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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