I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
