My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
