The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
