So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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