party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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