The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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