Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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