Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
this just has baby written all over it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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