I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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