Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Vodka?
Forever.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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