Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
