And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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