So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just forgot I was standing up.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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