I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
