Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
