all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
