dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
