stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
there is glitter all over my balls
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