I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
