Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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