I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
