He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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