I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
