phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
