Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
