I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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