i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
