Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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