Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
