Yo dont text me then not text me
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
