so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
