bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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