What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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