His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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