When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
